In our last blog, we saw the biblical precedent and pattern that divine forgiveness is contingent upon human repentance. Or, put negatively, God does not forgive unrepentant sin or rebellion.
What then are we to do with Paul's exhortation to us as Christians to forgive one another as God in Christ has forgiven you? (Ephesians 4:32)
The most important word for our study is "as", which can also be translated "in the same way." Simply put, our forgiving one another is predicated and patterned upon God's forgiveness of us.
Which begs the obvious question, "If God only forgives those who repent, then I am to withhold forgiveness to those who have wronged me but have not apologized or sought reconciliation?"
This is an important question. As a pastor I have had this question asked many times, and unfortunately, I have not found an adequate answer in any of the sermons I've heard or other pastors I've asked or blogs that I've read. This is because it is not a petty issue. Unfortunately, most of us have not thought through it for ourselves, and thus a simple Christian cliche is often the only 'counseling' we offer to those going through great and honest turmoil.
As Christians, we need to remember that there actually are other brothers and sisters in Christ who have been greatly sinned against. Will a cliche comfort someone sexually abused as a child by someone who may still be on the prowl? What about those who have been robbed of much money by an unrepentant schemer? Or, as is quite prevalent in our day, what is a wife to do with her husband who has left her and the kids for a younger woman?
To nonchalantly tell them to simply "forgive" the offending party can be taken as a slap to the face. Trust me, I've "counseled" people in this way, and unfortunately, rather than helping them, I've offended them by making them think that because they are struggling with anger and unforgiveness, they are the primary sinners in the equation, which inevitably adds guilt to their situation.
Now of course, I have counseled people who have become embittered and hostile against their unrepentant offenders, which is undoubtedly sin. I have met people who are still stuck in the past, and have made their identity as helpless martyrs who live and feed on the pity of others, whose conversation revolves invariably around vilifying and demeaning the offending party. Such people are living in what I will call "sinful unforgiveness", and must indeed repent of this.
This inevitably begs another question: "Is there such a thing as "non-sinful unforgiveness"? Does the Bible have anything to say about this? Are there any explicit examples of this? Or, are we to unreservedly forgive those who have sinned against us or wronged us, despite the fact they refuse to apologize and make restitution? Are we to go on living with them as though nothing has happened? Can we sweep their iniquities under the carpet, as it were, and pretend all is well?
As we think through this together, please leave some feedback or comments. This is a complex, complicated issue that demands and deserves much biblical contemplation, meditation, and application. Don't be afraid to weigh in on this subject.
Next time we will begin opening up the various texts that deal with this sensitive topic.
In Christ, and for His glory,
Pastor Ryan
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