but a harsh word stirs up anger." (Proverbs 15:1)
This past Sunday we looked at James 3:1-12 in our Sunday School lesson. In this section, James reminds us just how powerful such a small instrument can really be. As a small spark can become an unstoppable and uncontainable blazing inferno; as a little dose of poison can kill; as a small leak in the roof can destroy a house, so also our small tongues have the potential and ability to cause great damage in the lives of others.
And yet, though the tongue can wreck great havoc, it also can bring great healing. The answer therefore is not merely to stop talking altogether, just like gouging our eyes out will not eliminate our propensity to lust after the things of this world.
As we study the Bible, and the book of Proverbs especially, we see the inextricable link between the state of one's heart and the words of one's mouth.
For example, in the same chapter, Solomon reminds us that,
"A gentle [literally: 'healing'] tongue is a tree of life,
but perverseness in it breaks the spirit." (15:4)
"The lips of the wise spread knowledge;
not so the hearts of fools." (15:7)
"The heart of him who has understanding seeks knowledge,
but the mouth of fools feed on folly." (15:14)
"The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer,
but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things." (15:28)
This is perfectly congruent with our Lord's own teaching regarding this:
"What comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart." (Matt. 15:18)
"Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or make the tree bad and its fruit bad, for the tree is known by its fruit. You brood of vipers! How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. The good person out of his good treasure brings forth good, and the evil person out of the evil treasure brings forth evil." (Matt. 12:33-35)
So before we seek to apply Proverbs 15:1 to our lives, we need to understand that if we are speaking harshly to others instead of speaking gently, the real issue is that our words and motives are wrong, ultimately because our hearts are wrong.
I agree 100% that a soft answer turns away wrath. I have seen this principle fulfilled in a myriad of contexts in a multitude of ways. But before my words are truly soft, my heart must first be softened; and before I can truly speak life-giving words to others, I must first be letting these life-giving words abide richly in my own heart (cf. Col. 3:16).
In Sunday school, I likened our tongues to a tattle-tale. In grade school, it seemed that there was always a tattle taler ratting me out and getting me in trouble. Our tongues likewise tattle on our hearts. Our tongues express and make visible to others the true state of our hearts. Bitter words evidence a bitter heart. Gracious words evidence a heart marinated in grace.
Living in a fallen world, it is inevitable that circumstances will require us to make a split second decision as to whether we will speak softly and harshly. Your boss makes an unfair accusation. A foe purposefully slanders your reputation. A class mate spreads a fallacious rumour that impugns your character. Your husband comes home and accuses you of doing nothing all day. Your kids comment on how lousy supper is. Your wife, not realizing you've just worked an agonizing 10 hour day, asks you to help with supper, or the dishes, or in getting the kids ready for bed, when all you want to do is rest. Your kids are fighting again, or nagging again, or complaining again. The possibilities for speaking harshly are almost infinite.
When these unforeseen situations arise, the state of our hearts will determine our decisions. If we have been immersing ourselves in anything other than the gospel, the battle is already lost, just as a man surfing the internet with his heart on "gospel empty" will inevitably choose porn if and when it is offered. Likewise, in a heated discussion, whatever is filling our hearts at that moment will consequently fill our mouths, and ultimately fill our hearers' ears.
The solution is found in one of the most important verses of all the Bible: "Above all keeping, keep your heart." (Prov. 4:23) Why? "Because out of the heart flow the issues of life", or as the NLT translates it, our hearts "determine the course of our lives." Likewise, the state of our heart "determines the course of [or "coarseness of"] our speech."
And so this day, let us gaze intently upon our glorious God of grace. Paul says this is done by immersing our minds and hearts in the gospel of Jesus Christ (2 Cor. 3:18; 4:6). As we contemplate the underserved mercy that we have received from His beneficent, nail-pierced hands, we - including our tongues - will be transformed from one degree of glory to another. As we regularly renew our minds in the Scripture via the Spirit (see Eph. 4:23), we are enabled to both put off the speech of our old man and put on the new man's speech, which is created in the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness (Eph. 4:22,24).
When we truly keep the great commandment (Matt. 22:37), namely loving God with all our heart, mind, soul and strength, as well as loving our neighbour as ourself, we will ultimately speak soft words that seek healing and reconciliation. As we are built up in the gospel of truth (Eph. 4:15-16), we will inevitably seek to build others up in that same truth, out of love.
When we are presented with the choice of speaking words that edify or words that vilify, there is hope, if our hearts and hopes are, in the words of Isaiah, "stayed on Thee" (26:3, KJV).
May we all seek to be filled with the Spirit, and consequently speak Spiritual words that bring healing, and not hurt (cf. Eph. 5:18-20; Col. 3:16-18).
In Christ, and for His glory in His people,
Pastor Ryan
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